The Music expierence

The Music expierence
I love the life I have been given, I just do not love the body in which I live it. I am a prisoner, handcuffed to food. I want out. It's time to take control and maybe this is my way of doing so. I have never blogged nor did I intend to. Somehow I thought this might help me in my journey. I want to shed pounds. I have tried every diet known to man, yet somehow...I get heavier. So heavy in fact that it is now difficult for me to find energy to do anything let alone attempt to work out. Follow me through my journey and maybe, just maybe I can make it to my destination with your support. I will talk about everything that is on my mind, not just issues dealing with being heavy. I am going to talk about whatever is on my mind. Some things may be really personal, and some things may be funny but nothing is off limits for me....hope you can hang with me... I would love for you to be with me.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Day 7: The fat girl inside my fat girl

 Yesterday was grocery shopping day and I think I did super! I did not buy any boxed dinners or anything. I bought sugar free 60 calorie packs of pudding and lots of yummy veggies. Now, the problem with that is my husbands sweet tooth. I ate pretty good yesterday. In fact, instead of having seconds on my tacos...I only ate 3 (don't judge me...I said I love them and normally I would have more). I love me some tacos. What's not to love about perfectly seasoned meat, lettuce, tomato, FAT-free sour cream, and the ideal crunch all packed into one glorious bite....mmmm. Makes me want tacos again. I am Pavlov's dog...I'm salivating at the thought. Yup, Im conditioned to day dream about food. What is even worse, is that last night when I was looking at my plate, before eating anything, I felt so happy. I was excited to be eating my tacos and my side salad...the closer my plate came to being empty, the more sad I felt. I actually started to feel depressed about my food being gone.What is that all about? Maybe I should enter myself into an food lovers support group or something. Only that If someone mentions something that sounds fabulous, I will start to salivate and then I wont stop thinking about that darn food till I have eaten it.  I have come to the conclusion that I do not have a skinny bitch inside me begging to get out...I have another fat one...Great! The fat girl inside me makes it harder for this fat girl to keep a lid on things...like ice cream, cookies, pizza....TACO's!  (wiping drool off of my chin as I type....not as easy as you may think) One of these days these two fat girls are gonna get into it and one of them is going to win...I hop it's me...lmfao!...sorry...Multiple personality moment...:)
I still havent quite mastered the breakfast thing yet, but I am working on it. I bought some special K cereal and plan on having at least the recommended serving size for breakfast...which is practically nothing! I only buy skim milk and I bought the kids 100 calorie pack muffins....the husband will have them eaten in no time.
Hayden and I went to grocery outlet today so that I could get my spices that I use. They have them pretty cheap and that comes in handy when you love flavorful food as much as me. I avoided the snack food isle completely because I know I will want to buy things that I shouldnt. As it was, I caved in and bought the kids some tater tots and chicken nuggets. It will be a nice treat for them on a day that I dont really feel like breaking down and cooking. Today might be one of those days. I have had the worst back ache and it feels like child labor...my labor pains were in my back...OUCH! I had to take something for pain last night and it knocked me on my fanny. You would think that being a larger woman that one pill wouldnt do much for me....but on the contrary... I couldnt even stay awake to finish watching Jaden Smith's cute little face in the Karate Kid. So, I will sit here and eat my black bean chipotle garden burger on my 100 calorie bagel with whipped cream cheese(it spreads easier and I use less) lettuce and onion. I also have an entire cucumber with a small bit of homemade ranch from the packet with regular and fat free mayo and skim milk. So, I think I am on a healthier path...lets just hope I dont fall off. I surely got enough excersize yesterday with all of the shopping...having to run hayden to the potty so he didnt pee in his big boy underoos and then 20 minutes packing up all of my groceries, loading them into the yukon, loading Hayden and then unloading all of it and putting it away. Then I had to go and get Dakota from School, Miriam from her bus stop and make dinner....just thinking about it makes me want to take a nap.................Ooooh.....Nap...I should really get off my butt and work out or something....Nah! my pillow calls!
TTFN
Malisa

1 comment:

  1. My comments for the day. Tacos are healthy except for the shell and cheese. Make taco salad instead go easy on the cheese, heavy on the salsa.

    Face it you have kids. there is no getting around having crappy kid food in your house. Buy yourself some lean cuisines for those times that you don't want to cook and know you shouldn't be eating the kid food. Its gross anyways. Why do we feed it to kids again?

    As for your fat girl.. I have a skinny girl inside me. the skinny girl who could eat what ever she wanted and had no clue what an exercise regimen was. that dang skinny girl never worked out, ever! Now she expects me too. I admit it feels good, but one you have to make the time. two you have to have some one watching your kids, nothing like being in the middle of tae bo and having to stop to feed, clean or change a kid. and three you have to do it again the next day when you are all sore.

    Its very hard to climb a large mountain. I have done in and walked down the valley's. Wish I would have been skinny while doing it and not praying about not dying along the way.

    Anytime my fatty friend. I am home every single day.

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