I....Have....NO....energy!...OOOOH DONUT!!!

This cold is killing me. Just as I start to get better, another monster bug attacks. My ears feel like they are going to pop and my chest feels like a pumpkin that has been scraped and carved. This is my pity party and I deserve one at least for a second. K, I'm done now.
How was your weekend? Mine was fun. I got to hang out with family and a couple of friends I haven't gotten to hang with in ages. It was a blast. We went to the haunted house down under the coliseum and stood in line forever. I am such a chicken that everyone else thought it was kinda lame but enjoyed watching me jump and scream. At one point I almost ripped my husbands finger off cause I got so frightened. All he could do was laugh at how lame I am. Me and scary don't work. LOL.
Afterwords a couple of friends, the hubby and myself went downtown to grab a bite to eat. We ate at a food cart that sold GYROS....sooooo good! I ate mine and then I finished Lisa's....cause I am that fat. No, cause I was that hungry. It was cold out and windy and I loved every second of it. Then, to top it off, we went and stood in ANOTHER line for an hour just to get donuts at VOODOO donuts. Honestly, I can't say I was that impressed. I can add a slice of bacon to the top of a maple bar and have it be just as tasty if not more...just sayin'. That was a total waste of calories for me, but now I know that a donut is a donut is a donut. I guess I was expecting something spectacular, but got average. Which brings me to today's recipe. I was going to give you the recipe for low-fat donuts, but thought I would just give you the link instead. I have something more holiday friendly since that is what I have done thus far. Here is the link for the donuts:
http://hubpages.com/hub/Low-Fat-Donuts

Not to change the subject, but I have to take my youngest daughter to get an ultrasound today on her kidneys. She keeps telling me that her tummy hurts and that it hurts to go potty. Hopefully it is nothing to worry about, but I am a mommy so I can not help it. Now that that is off my chest, I will hand over the tip of the day and your holiday recipe.
Have a wonderful day y'all. Oh, has anyone made that pumpkin bread yet? I think Im going to make some today.

Tip of the day: STAY AWAY FROM VOODOO DONUTS....LOL (KIDDING PEOPLE, don't get your panties in a wad)... :)
Keeping a food journal is helpful when trying to lose weight. It helps you keep track of everything that goes into your mouth and body and allows you to see where you need to make adjustments. If it goes in your mouth, no matter the size of the food, it gets written in your food journal. Good luck!

Recipe of the day:
Holiday snacks for the table

• 1 10 oz can of premium chunk white chicken in water. Do not drain.
• 2 8 oz pkgs Healthy Choice fat-free cream cheese - softened.
• 1/2 c fat free sour cream or yogurt if you prefer
• 1 envelope dry onion soup mix
• 1/2 c of cucumber- cubed
• 1/4 cup cold peas
• 1/4 c yellow and red pepper - chopped

For a crowd, double or triple everything.
Procedure:

1. Mix all ingredients(except the vegetables) with a hand mixer on low speed for about 2 minutes or until well mixed. Make sure you added the water from the canned chicken. You could certainly use fresh chopped chicken and chicken broth. 
2. Hand mix in the veggies so you don't turn it into a bunch of mush.
3. Serve with crackers - Low Fat ( I like triscuts and the BIG wheat thins, but any of your favorite crackers will do, just watch the calories)

Cuz it's the weekend!

Yay! It's friday! That means its the beginning of a great weekend to come.
Before I get into my plans, I have to tell you what my son said to me last night. I came home from school and he was laying on the couch almost asleep so I went and sat next to him to give him a kiss and he said "Momma, I don't want you to leave but I want you to go away"..........my heart sank and I was crushed. My baby, my little man...MY BABY no longer wanted me to comfort him as he fell asleep. He wanted to be left alone. Sniff sniff. At first I just sat there with my bottom lip out as I took another seat farther away from him, but then I actually felt my eyes start to well up. I really felt sad. He wasn't being mean, he said it so gently and kind, but I felt really crushed. That's it. Im pushing the "stop getting older" button!
K, now that I got that off my chest. So, now I can tell you about my oldest daughters excitement this morning. Today is her very first field trip and they are going to a pumpkin patch. She was so excited that she wouldnt stop bouncing this morning. While I was cleaning up dog crap (FRIGGIN BINDI), she was talking about 2000 miles a minute and I was gagging and she was still bouncing and talking about the pumpkin patch. She is so cute, but man...when your trying to hold in your stomach and you cant see cause your eyes are full of water from gagging...its just too much to have little miss sunshine directly behind you. But here is the funniest thing...Dakota asked me how she would know she got the perfect pumpkin. I told her she would know when she saw it that it wouldnt be rotten and she could carry it. Without skipping a beat she said "So, as long as it doesn't smell like Bindi's butt- I could drag it"...I nearly died laughing. now if you don't know already...Bindi is out Beagle. This girl has more gas than shell. As im typing, it doesnt seem as funny as it was this morning but that is cause you couldnt see the look on her face. It was almost pure seriousness. Too cute. I love my kids.

Moving on...........................
I ended the day on a good note with food. I had a licorice snack at school and some wheat thins and was good to go. Those veggie wheat thins are yumm-o, in case you didnt know that. When I came home I had 60 calorie pudding snacks...two of them. It was so good!
I really want to make some of that pumkin bread that was on the post for yesterday. Since tomorrow is family pumpkin patch day...I will get a pumpkin and make some this weekend...I hope. That being said, I think our plans are to go to the patch during the morning afternoon sometime...it has to be after dance class....and then we are coming back and doing the adult time with the maze. Can not wait. Anyone wanna join us? Sauvies Island haunted corn maze...Bwaaaaaahhhhaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaa
Have a spectacular weekend people!
Lots of love,
Malisa

Tip of the day:
You can cut the calories of your favorite foods by 50% without changing anything about them -- just eat half. For example, if you usually eat a deli sandwich at lunch, eat half it, but replace your chips with carrot sticks. Still hungry? Before you reach for the rest of your sandwich, munch on a piece of fruit. Produce takes longer to eat and digest than other foods, which means you'll have more time to notice you're getting full. Plus, the added fiber in both the carrots and fruit will help you feel more satisfied, for much longer, than chips would have.

(You can not tell me that this does not look like heaven on a plate....I can not wait to try this!)

Chocolate Chip Cheesecake

Traditionally, a slice of cheesecake averages about 50 grams of fat per serving, but this one has a fraction of that amount, weighing in at just 5.3 grams per serving.That is a huge difference!

Yield: Makes 10 servings

Ingredients

• 2/3  cup  (about 3 oz.) reduced-fat chocolate wafer cookie crumbs
• 1 1/2  tablespoons  melted butter or margarine
• 3  packages (8 oz. each) nonfat cream cheese
• 1  can (14 oz.) nonfat sweetened condensed milk
• 3  large egg whites
• 2  teaspoons  vanilla
• 1/2  cup  miniature chocolate chips

Preparation

1. Combine crumbs and melted butter. Pat evenly over bottom and about 3/4 inch up the side of a removable-rim 8-inch cheesecake or cake pan (at least 1 3/4 in. deep).
2. In a food processor or bowl, whirl or beat cream cheese, milk, egg whites, and vanilla until very smooth. Stir in 1/4 cup chocolate chips.
3. Scrape batter into pan. Evenly sprinkle batter with remaining chocolate chips.
4. Bake in a 350° oven until cake jiggles only slightly in the center when gently shaken, about 30 minutes.
5. Run a thin-bladed knife between cake and pan rim. Refrigerate cake, uncovered, until cool, at least 2 1/2 hours. Serve, or if making ahead, wrap airtight when cool and chill up to 2 days. Remove pan rim and cut cake into wedges.

Nutritional Information

Calories:283

Protein:14g

Fat:5.3g

Carbohydrate:44g

Old habits die hard...or don't die at all

Doe the Taco bell drive thru call to any of you like it does to me? I had an early morning and two doctors appointments for the girls that seemed to last forever. I didnt get anything in me and was starting to feel sick...good thing my "Auto Pilot" on my Yukon decided to feed me Taco Bell...Ha ha ha Can I help it that my car knows what I like?! :) 210 calories for the single Taco Supreme I had and 400 calories for the chalupa I ate. I also ate some chips and cheese so add 320 calories to that...man it adds up and it added up quickly to a whopping 930 calories, good thing I opted for the DIET soda...lmfao.....Baaaaahaaaa haaaa
Seriously though, I did well considering what I ate and the fact that I ate what I love the most it was worth all the calories in the world. Normally I wouldnt have had a chalupa but it sounded good...wasnt all that good to be honest and I wouldnt splurge another 400 calories on one again. I always feel strange ordering a diet soda with my fast food though because I used to work in the food industry and we always commented about people ordering the most fattening foods and then topping it off with a diet soda... I finally understand why they do that....order the diet soda, not eat the most fattening food. I'm a diabetic now and I haven't drank regular soda in years. It started about 8 years ago when I went on the Atkins diet...and I got used to it. Now, regular soda grosses me out and is far too sugary.
So, even though I ate Taco bell I controlled my impulse to over-eat, although I would have been satisfied with just the taco and chips and cheese, I think I'm going to chalk this up as a win for me. Technically I still have two snacks and dinner to eat and I still have 1070 calories for the day(or 1000 if you round them like I do). I can make a calorie friendly dinner like I did last night and keep it under 300 calories and even if it is 500 I still have enough for my snack...Yup. I'd say this is going to be a wonderful day....even with the Taco Bell. I think I may even take a walk with my son. :) I feel good today and I feel really happy for some reason...maybe its the Prozac, maybe its the sunshine and crisp air...maybe its cause I have the best kids in the world and the greatest friends, maybe its all of those reasons...I dont know, "but the sky is blue and the sun is shinning, I feel like a bum with a pocket full of diamonds...." I am going to enjoy the day with a smile. Hope you enjoy your day too. Much love...
Malisa

Tip of the day:

Old habits die hard but making the effort to dish up will go a long way toward changing your eating habits and preventing overeating. It's virtually impossible to practice portion control when you eat straight out of a package or container. Plus, the experience of eating the food in and of itself will be different, and more pleasant, if you use a dish.

OMG this sounds so tasty! This makes a total of 16 servings at 72 calories per serving and only 0.6 grams of FAT....that's it folks

When Fall is in the air, nothing quite hits the spot like a slice of fresh baked pumpkin bread. Also, the ready availability of fresh pumpkin makes it hard to come up with a reason NOT to have a back-up loaf. This version virtually fat-free but still retains the moist gooyness that you typically get from quick breads. Fresh pumpkin also has a natural sweetness to it. Rather than covering it up with too much excess sugar, I opted to try and enhance the interesting flavor it provides. If you can't get a hold of a real pumpkin, you can substitute the canned stuff (Using fresh pumpkin is very easy and pretty fun, too. Not only can you taste the freshness, but you get some tasty pumpkin seeds for roasting or adding to the recipe.)

Ingredients

1	c. All-Purpose Flour
1/2	c. Rolled Oats
1	tsp. Baking Soda
1/2	c. Brown Sugar
1	c. Pumpkin, Prepared
1/2	c. Apples, Peeled and Roughly Chopped
1/2	c. Applesauce, Unsweetened
1	large Egg
1	Egg White
1	tsp. Cinnamon
1/4	tsp. Allspice
3/4	tsp. Salt

Directions

1. To prepare pumpkin: First of all, use a smaller variety of pumpkin (about the size of a bag of popped popcorn). The lighter the skin, the sweeter the taste. Cut the pumpkin in half and scoop out the seeds and pulp. Save the seeds for drying or roasting (trust me.) Put both halves cut side down on a foil lined baking sheet, loosely cover them with foil, and pop them in the oven for about an hour at 375. When they're done, scoop the flesh from the skin with a spoon and mush up the yummy pumpkin goodness. It should keep in a refrigerator for about a week or so. If you've decided to just go with canned pumpkin: Open the can.
   
2. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees and ready a 9x5 inch loaf pan (cooking spray or oil work just fine.)
   
3. In one bowl, combine the flour, oats, baking soda, salt, allspice, and cinnamon.
   
4. In another bowl, combine the brown sugar, pumpkin, egg, egg white, and apple sauce until the mixture looks like bright orange mush.
   
5. Stir the dry stuff into the wet stuff just until you don't see dry stuff anymore.
   
6. Fold in the chopped apples. At this point, you can also add any solid ingredients (nuts, berries, the like) that you think would taste good inside of a loaf of pumpkin bread. Pour the batter into your loaf pan and sprinkle a few pumpkin seeds on top.
   
7. Bake in the middle oven position at 350 degrees for about an hour, turning once or twice throughout the process. It will look and smell done - just check it with a toothpick. As a precautionary measure, I recommend putting a foil-lined baking sheet on the rack below the bread so it doesn't get so much direct heat from the bottom heating element.
   
8. When you decide that the baking process has completed, cool the bread for about 10 minutes. Flip the loaf out of the pan and let it cool or you can eat it hot!
   
9. Enjoy your surprisingly easy to make pumpkin bread and give yourself a hug for a job well done.

Yo Yo Yo Yo......Cream, cookies, pies and THUNDER THIGHS...:)

How many of you crave Ice Cream? I do. I would have to say it is currently my biggest weakness. I think I have found a healthier substitute though...well, I know I have. We have this frozen yogurt place next to walmart called Green Apple Yogurt that sells tons of different flavors of frozen yumminess. For 90-150 calories per 4 oz. you can enjoy all kinds of different flavors. White chocolate macadamia nut, chocolate peanut butter, butter cream,  NY cheesecake, triple Berry, red velvet cake, raspberry, dolce caramel, irish mint and more.............of course the no sugar added flavors are a better choice for me and they dont make me feel....sticky icky. I think I have found my favorite. No sugar Added Raspberry with fresh raspberries....can you say O-M-G? It tastes so sweet and tangy and it gets me right where I need to be without all of the guilt. This one is only 90 calories per 4 oz so I splurge and get 8 oz total with the fresh berries. PERFECTION!
Another item that has me all twisted up in its yumminess it the chocolate peanut butter icecream sandwiches by Skinny Cow. They are 150 calories but are worth every tasteful bite and are a guilt free pleasure for me. I love peanut butter, but the calories kill me. It's nothing for me to slap on a ton of PB on a piece of toast or eat it directly from the jar. Although it has tons of protein, it is high in fat and calories as well as carbs. Friggin deliciousness...it just teases me. I have been avoiding it like the plague but the other day when i hopped off the wagon...my son had a pb sandwich that he didnt want anymore so what did I do.........yup...I ate it. Every spectacular bite of it...and I wanted more. Thankfully I did not because I would have really been in trouble...lol
That reminds me, I was thinking about Christmas and thanksgiving the other day and couldnt help but day dream about my lemon chiffon pie that I adore that my gram makes every year...so......
I know that the holiday season is approaching us quickly and If you are anything like me, you bake and make all kinds of goodies and EAT them all too.... I want to enjoy this season and not feel like a complete cow. So, along with my tip of the day I will post healthier versions of our favorite holiday goodies...If you have any....please share! Again, I thank you for following me and I hope I can be of some help to some of you, just as you are to me. Me Ruv U rong tine! :)
~Malisa

 WEIGHT-LOSS TIP OF THE DAY:

If you find your will power is overpowered by a full bag of potato chips sitting in the pantry, avoid buying the full-size bags altogether. Get the single-serving bags (just be sure to buy one at a time, not the variety box) to head off binges.

This recipe is for  lower fat and lower calorie chocolate chip cookies! Super yummy and you can make even more adjustments if you like.   Prep Time:50 min

Start to Finish:50 min

makes:3 1/2 dozen cookies

3/4

cup granulated sugar ( use SPLENDA instead and save on calories and sugar)

3/4

cup packed brown sugar

1/2

cup butter, softened

1/2

cup canola oil

1

teaspoon vanilla

1

egg

2

cups Gold Medal whole wheat flour

1

teaspoon baking soda

1/4

teaspoon salt

3/4

cup miniature semisweet chocolate chips

1.	Heat oven to 375°F. In large bowl, beat sugars, butter, oil, vanilla and egg with electric mixer on low speed until blended. Beat in flour, baking soda and salt until well blended. Stir in chocolate chips.
2.	On ungreased cookie sheet, drop dough by rounded measuring tablespoonfuls about 2 inches apart.
3.	Bake 7 to 9 minutes or until very light golden brown (centers will be soft). Cool 1 minute; remove from cookie sheet to cooling rack.
High Altitude (3500-6500 ft): No change.

This is what my lasagna looked like

Have you ever grabbed the wrong item at the store and didnt notice it was wrong until you had already put it in with what you were cooking? I did just that this past weekend with my veggi lasagna. I grabbed a lowfat cottage cheese container because it was the small one. I didnt even pay attention to what kind it was. I didnt even know they made it, to be honest. I grabbed cottage cheese with chunks of pineapple. To be completely truthful...i loved it in the lasagna. It added a little sweetness and not the taste of pineapple. I also am in love with my mustard beans. It is so yummy. If you like green beans (fresh) then boil (about 1/4 pound or more) them for about 3-5 minutes on a full boil...be sure to leave a little crunch. Strain them and in a frying pan or wok, add 4 tablespoons of I cant believe its not butter light (its 25 calories per tablespoon) add three to four tablespoons of regular french's mustard, 1 tablespoon garlic powder and black pecker to taste.....um I mean Pepper...ha ha ha There I go thinking about black pecker...um I mean black pepper....oh i give up... :)

Melt the ICBINBL on a medium heat add the mustard and mix well, stirring constantly. Add your seasonings- garlic powder and black pepper. This smell is amazing. Now add your cooked greens and stir them into the sauce and cover for a few minutes then stir again so that they are covered in the sauce. This has got to be the simplest and tastiest sauce I have made and it was just something that I created to be low calorie and flavorful on my fresh beans. I love it and it is surely a special taste. Now, you could go for some extra calories and add the frenches crunchy onions to them for a lovely flavor addition or serve them just like you see in my picture. Either way, they are glorious. You have to at least try it.

So , yesterday did not go so well for me. I turned into the human disposal. Most of the time I didnt even think about what I was doing and that is what brings me to be so honest with you all. I found myself being bored and going to the kitchen to find something to eat. I did not make great choices all day. As if being sick is a reason to fall off the wagon. It is not! I ate that stupid pancake...then I had....crap I cant even remember exactly what I ate yesterday. I can tell you that I ate pizza and fruit roll ups and a garden burger patty and soup and fruit snacks and a peanut butter sandwich...all poor choices. Oh wait, I managed to eat an entire cucumber with ranch...lol it tasted so good too. These are the days that get me to give up. THese are the reasons that I am where I am. Because I keep turning to food for comfort in all ways. Not just when I am bored, but when I am sick too....WTH? I pledge that today is going to be different. It already is. I made the kids pancakes with fresh bananas mixed in......BLAH...me no likey the Nannas.......but it smelled good and it kept me from eating a pancake...lol

 I am going to eat some chicken soup that I made last night for dinner here in a minute because I took my meds and need something on my tummy before I toss my tummy. Ya know.

The only way I am going to get through this is to know that you all are holding me accountable by reading my fumbles and such. I dont want to let my friends down anymore than I want to let myself down. Honestly, I dont want to let you all down more than I give a rip about letting myself down and I should be more focused on getting healthy for me.

So today I am going to end with a weighloss tip. I plan on adding them every day in hopes that I can and will incorporate them into my eating routines....maybe they can help you as well.

I love you all for sticking with me and not judging me in a negative way. Smooches! Its time for me to go fine my place back on the couch with some hot tea and some soup.

Weightloss tip of the day: Don't forget the fiber folks! We need 25 grams of it daily. If you can add more, that works too. Good luck!

Malisa

Day? Does anyone really care what day it is?

I did not post this weekend...in case you didnt notice. My house seems to be a breeding ground for germs and illness at this moment. We all were down for the count yesterday and I didnt feel like peeling my body off the couch to post. I did eat well though. I made a yummy veggie and turkey lasagna on friday and ended up eating it on saturday for brunch and dinner. I know what you are thinking...where is your breakfast...? Saturday mornings are kind of busy and my three year old daughter has tap and ballet class so the morning is busy and we fly out the door. Starting this coming saturday, my 5 year old daughter will join her and begin tap and ballet as well. I tried getting Hayden to go, but he wouldnt do it. Bummer. As for yesterday...I caved. I ate what the kids were eating because I didnt feel like standing up any longer to make a better choice for myself. I ate Mac-n-cheese and pizza for dinner. Not a great day for me, but I tried to redeem myself by making a better decision for today. SO far, so good. I did eat a pancake...just one cause that sucker has over 200 calories in it...WTF? Really? (shaking head in astonishment)

Looks like I'm taking the day off from school today too. Im staying home with my sick kids and recuperating myself.
I promise to make a better choice in food today but I can not promise any activity because I feel like my spine is about to crumble with the achenes and I just wanna lay on the couch and reign control of the remote while I have it. I am going to drink hot tea again today and pray that it helps as it did yesterday. I have given up coffee altogether. I like it with too much creamer and sugars...tea is a nice tasty replacement and it has ZERO calories people! Coffee alone is calorie free as well, but I do not know anyone who drinks it black...eeew. Honestly, I forgot how much I love tea. Mint tea, raspberry, chamomile, apple cinnamon,....mmmm its tasty. Actually, It sounds pretty intriguing and I think I will have some and find my place on the couch with my kiddos. Tomorrows post will be better...I hope. I have lots to say and somehow when I get on here I forget everything I wanted to.
Meanwhile, I posted a link on FB about McDonalds that I think we should all watch. Here is the link again:
http://www.disgustingmcdsmovie.com/
Malisa

day 9: Set your fork down and take your time

Can you spot the carrot that Hayden wanted me to eat...lol
I told him I couldnt eat it and he insisted..
This is my 450 calorie dinner. It was fabuloso. I baked a turkey breast (gresham wal-mart has them and they are pre-cooked and a tad bit spendy (about $9-$10) for a small turkey roast, but no fat and super flavorful) and it was only 70 calories for 2 ounces of meat. Because I needed the protein, I had four ounces...and yes, I weighed it.
 I only had 3/4 cup of carrots because when they are cooked it brings out the sugars and I have to watch veggies and fruit with natural sugars too, because of the diabetes. The couscous was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. for 1 cup prepared, it was around 220 calories. Yes, I put it in a measuring cup and then fluffed it with a fork for the picture. I saved calories by using fat free calorie free crisco butter flavored cooking spray instead of oil or butter so it was actually less, but I always round my calories in case I go over on accident; then I have a little breathing room. I enjoyed a nice sugar free raspberry drink in a large wine glass with some ice and ate dinner with my kiddos. One thing I tried to do in between bites was to set my fork down until I was done chewing what I had in my mouth. I read somewhere, some time ago that this was a good tip. It made me eat slower and really take the time to chew my food. I am going to give this a thumbs up for a workable tip. Try it. I recommend trying it when you have the time to sit down and actually take the time to eat at a regular pace and not have to scarf your food and run. This is a problem that a lot of us have. No time to sit and eat. We go through the drive through because we dont have time to cook or it takes too much time away from our families or job.....blah blah blah...you know what I mean. We all have our reasons or 'excuses' and as long as we are hanging on to those we can not be honest with ourselves. Myself included. Don't get me wrong, I have had and USED every excuse or reason I know of to avoid eating properly. Truth-be-told...I was too lazy to put out a little bit of effort. It was exhausting just thinking about it. I tried avoiding being honest with myself about how I look and how I feel. If I ignore it, it will go away...right? WRONG...WRONG....WRONG....
I am still fat. In fact, I am a lot fatter than I was two years ago and twice the size I was when I married my husband 5 years ago. This is me, being honest with myself and with anyone who chooses to read this. I am one of those people that cracks jokes about herself before anyone else can because it stings a lot less to hear the truth come out of your own mouth rather than having someone else beat you to it. I really don't hate myself, I hate the way I look. I have no one to blame but myself, so this is me....taking control over the one thing I never had control over before...my weight. There were people that I thought were my friends beginning way back in elementary school that started putting me down and then it became a public humiliation thing...I dont want to put my kids throught that by having the fat mom. I went through enough ridicule and self torture, im not going to put it on my kids too. I hope my honesty and maybe even my tips can help someone else who might be having the same struggles as I have. I love you all!
Thank you for all of you who have been following my blog.
Tonight I am going to make a low-fat lasagna with whole wheat noodles....mmmm I can not wait to eat it! LOL
Have a good weekend people! My weekend will be full of runny noses, cough medicine, barf bags, vicks vapor rub and PJ's...its great to be a mom. :)
Sorry I had to miss the craft day Kim...I really was looking forward to it. Next time!
Malisa

Day 8: Guess-tim-ation doesn't work

Who said kids foods cant be eaten? I counted all of my tater tots and my chicken nu-nuts...lol

First I put a bowl on my plate and filled it with salad...then my yummy crunchy, perfectly cooked green and yellow beans with my Special sauce that I made up on a whim...turned out FABULOUS! 12 tater tots and 5 chicken nu-nuts (that is what Hayden and Miriam call them). I started with my salad. For every two bites of veggies and salad, I allowed myself one tater tot and one nu-nut. All together my total dinner calories were around 800. That is a lot at one sitting, but I think I did well for the rest of the day. I didnt have ice cream and I didnt have any desert. HEY...I'm a work in progress peeps...not fluent at eating well yet...but I will get there. Now, my goal for today is to try not to eat everything on my plate. I managed to get breakfast in...Oatmeal with half the sugar and no milk. My breakfast calories were a total of 220...and it held me over till noon. Then I ate chimichangas with Hayden...not too smart of me to eat then read the calories...I ate two of them and each of them had a whopping calorie count of 310 calories a piece...OUCH! That will teach me to "gues-timate". That brings my total for the day up past 1000...1100 when you count the ranch that I dipped my chimi into.....Hey, I know what you are thinking and I just have to say...I didnt make these fat girls overnight, and Im not going to lose them overnight. If I feed them with things they like at times, they are less likely to drag my ass down. (blowing raspberries...TTTTTTThhhhhhhhpppppppp) SO THere!
I have also managed to get walking in on a daily basis. Not a lot, but more than I normally would. I would say about 20 minutes a day. I will work on that too!
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOving On!....ha ha ha...get it...Moo-ving ....baaaahhhhaaa haaa

Ok, so on a different note, I was invited to my cousins Halloween party (It was a pity invite, I know it...lol....J/K Nona...love you!) I have also come to the greatest costume EVER! It will cost me a total of $3.00 to make....no sewing, no hot glue....just tying and cutting. I am so excited! If I make the entire family the same thing, it will cost about: $12-$15 cause I can save money by buying things in bulk...lol.....
Talk about budget friendly! Woop Woop!
Time to go cuddle my boy and spend some quality time with him.~ Malisa

Day 7: The fat girl inside my fat girl

 Yesterday was grocery shopping day and I think I did super! I did not buy any boxed dinners or anything. I bought sugar free 60 calorie packs of pudding and lots of yummy veggies. Now, the problem with that is my husbands sweet tooth. I ate pretty good yesterday. In fact, instead of having seconds on my tacos...I only ate 3 (don't judge me...I said I love them and normally I would have more). I love me some tacos. What's not to love about perfectly seasoned meat, lettuce, tomato, FAT-free sour cream, and the ideal crunch all packed into one glorious bite....mmmm. Makes me want tacos again. I am Pavlov's dog...I'm salivating at the thought. Yup, Im conditioned to day dream about food. What is even worse, is that last night when I was looking at my plate, before eating anything, I felt so happy. I was excited to be eating my tacos and my side salad...the closer my plate came to being empty, the more sad I felt. I actually started to feel depressed about my food being gone.What is that all about? Maybe I should enter myself into an food lovers support group or something. Only that If someone mentions something that sounds fabulous, I will start to salivate and then I wont stop thinking about that darn food till I have eaten it.  I have come to the conclusion that I do not have a skinny bitch inside me begging to get out...I have another fat one...Great! The fat girl inside me makes it harder for this fat girl to keep a lid on things...like ice cream, cookies, pizza....TACO's!  (wiping drool off of my chin as I type....not as easy as you may think) One of these days these two fat girls are gonna get into it and one of them is going to win...I hop it's me...lmfao!...sorry...Multiple personality moment...:)

I still havent quite mastered the breakfast thing yet, but I am working on it. I bought some special K cereal and plan on having at least the recommended serving size for breakfast...which is practically nothing! I only buy skim milk and I bought the kids 100 calorie pack muffins....the husband will have them eaten in no time.

Hayden and I went to grocery outlet today so that I could get my spices that I use. They have them pretty cheap and that comes in handy when you love flavorful food as much as me. I avoided the snack food isle completely because I know I will want to buy things that I shouldnt. As it was, I caved in and bought the kids some tater tots and chicken nuggets. It will be a nice treat for them on a day that I dont really feel like breaking down and cooking. Today might be one of those days. I have had the worst back ache and it feels like child labor...my labor pains were in my back...OUCH! I had to take something for pain last night and it knocked me on my fanny. You would think that being a larger woman that one pill wouldnt do much for me....but on the contrary... I couldnt even stay awake to finish watching Jaden Smith's cute little face in the Karate Kid. So, I will sit here and eat my black bean chipotle garden burger on my 100 calorie bagel with whipped cream cheese(it spreads easier and I use less) lettuce and onion. I also have an entire cucumber with a small bit of homemade ranch from the packet with regular and fat free mayo and skim milk. So, I think I am on a healthier path...lets just hope I dont fall off. I surely got enough excersize yesterday with all of the shopping...having to run hayden to the potty so he didnt pee in his big boy underoos and then 20 minutes packing up all of my groceries, loading them into the yukon, loading Hayden and then unloading all of it and putting it away. Then I had to go and get Dakota from School, Miriam from her bus stop and make dinner....just thinking about it makes me want to take a nap.................Ooooh.....Nap...I should really get off my butt and work out or something....Nah! my pillow calls!

TTFN

Malisa

Day 6: PART TWO: Responding to you ladies

Ladies, I love you all and I thank you for reading my rants of randomness. It makes me happy to know that I have you all in my life and I love you for being here for me.

Angie, you have always made me feel better and knowing that you and I have shared lots of struggles with weightloss even with SP, makes our friendship a stronger one, because we know of each others struggles. I have never met you, but I love you bunches. I think you played a larger roll in me finding my way back towards GOD then you know. Thank you.

Amy, I love ground Turkey and ground chicken. I dont buy red meat at all. I have a ton of hamburger patties in my freezer that was given to me, but Im not going to eat them. I only enjoy them if they are BBQ'd and since Im the one that cooks...I aint cookin them. I would love to get together and sit down and try to swap recipes that taste great and are healthy. You, kim and I should really try to put something together. I can't wait to see you on friday...I feel like a little kid at christmas. :)

Kim, All these years and you still rock sista! My nutritionist said the same thing..I need to eat more and stop 'starving' myself. That is why I said I needed to get back on track with eating regularly. Breakfast, snack, lunch, snack,dinner and a small snack...it really does work, it is just that I feel like I am always thinking about food...UGH! I will bring something made with love, but I will also try to make it healthier but just as tasty!
See you friday...smooches!

Lisa, lady lady lady...I am sorry you are going through such a hard time with Levi. What a booger. I look at Hayden sometimes and pray that he makes smart choices and doesnt hurt me like that or like my brother does my mom. As it is, he is defiant and a smart mouth and he is only 3. It pisses me off to be honest, but I know my limits and I refuse to hit. I know I suffer from a bit of PTSD because of dealing with Savannah's behaviors for so long, but I can not even compare my issues with what you are going through with levi. Hang in there woman and know that I always have your back. You are practically family...shoot...you are family and I am blessed that you are. Big hugs lis, and stay strong and continue with your boot camp. It's something. You can do it, I know you can. Love you!

Day 6: To the Queen

I have to say right off the bat that I am so proud of one tiny accomplishment that I have made. When I say tiny I mean tiny, but it is a positive for me which makes is a greater accomplishment. My husband has an entire mouth full of sweet teeth and has to have something sugary everyday. In fact, I often joke about him passing up regular food for cookies and cakes and such...honestly though, it is sooooooo true. He eats more sugar than anyone I know. Anyhooo, last night he asked me if I wanted Dairy Queen because he was going and I told him NO! (singing) I said no-oh, I said no-oh....(happy butt dance) Woop Woop! One small step for Malisa, one giant step for my fello FAT peeps! I cant tell you the last time I willingly said no to a blizzard....it's just so perfect. Never-mind the fact that the milk product plays havoc on my tummy not to mention causes my blood sugars to be on the higher side. It also contributes to my weight gain....I know right? Whooda thought! Pppfffffttt! Hand slap to the the forehead...............HELLO! DUH!
Even though it was one night, it is a start. Everyone has to start somewhere and I am starting with the higher of my evils...The Queen! Im breaking up with you DQ...I don't want to see you for a long long time (although I have to pass her every day, several times a day...she's a block away). I can see you, but I am not going to date you any longer. You and I are not a good couple and you only bring me happiness for a few minutes and then you always bring me down. You don't help me with my self-esteem and you certainly are not helping my pants fit any better. Its time I realize that you are just not good for me or my health. You are poison, you lure me in with your sweetness and promises of enjoyment and then BAM!, you knock me down again. I feel worse about myself after I have been with you and it is time I stop torturing myself. I am leaving you. I'm done and I'm taking my kids with me. You are not going to poison them like you do me. You will not give them false promises and bring them down. The only way I can show them your ways is to stay away and start building a healthier foundation for us by dating other foods. Goodbye my love, I will miss you- some. Maybe one day we can see each other again, but not until you get healthy or I get healthy, which ever comes first. Until then, my love...this is goodbye.
Malisa

#5: Time to step it up

This morning I could hardly get out of bed. I felt like I had been beaten and was unable to move for a period of time. Walking proved to be a chore. My back hurts so bad that I can not stand up straight and can only walk kinda hunched and crooked. This is getting really old, really fast. How can I get motivated if I can't move? I tried to stretch and un-tighten some of my muscles, but my back hurts so bad that I just want to cry. It literally feels like someone kicked me super hard in the lower back. I guess today is my "complaining" day. Someone feel sorry for me cause I can't do it alone...lol
Ok, enough about how much I hurt. I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow and have vowed to make a healthy shopping list. We'll see how that works out and what is on sale. I have a budget people. I have to make my monies stretch. I told my husband last night that I am done with blizzards and DQ. I love ice cream and the cold hard fact of the matter is that it doesn't love me back. Besides the fact that it rips my tummy to shreds, it also adds more fat to my body that I have to deal with. I'm done. I hope that my will is strong enough to say no when he asks me if I want something from their...I do love me some ice cream. mmmmmmmmmmm.
I think I have figured out that it is time for me to step it up and really start to take control over what goes into my body. I don't eat red meat unless its from Taco Bell....mmmm Tacos......I don't eat fish or anything that comes from the water...kinda sad cause it is super healthy. This is where my cookbook would come in handy. It's hard to make something super healthy out of what is left at the end of the month. I need to know that I can go into the kitchen and cook whatever i wanted and it would be a healthier version of it...but...um...no such luck. I love to cook, but dont get it confused with Have to cook. They are two different things. I have to cook every day for the kids, and I dont always like to. That is when I resort to the corn dogs and french fry nights....sorry honey, no steak for you. LOL Not that I make it anyway.
Anyone got any good, healthy,  simple recipes that I could make from the stuff that is already on my shelf? Now, that is what I am talkin about.
Well, looks like I need to go play referee. I hear screaming and crying from two different kids. One who is sick and the other who is just a booger! Until tomorrow.
Malisa

The struggle within: Day 4: Ten pounds of sugar in a 5 pound bag...

The struggle within: Day 4: Ten pounds of sugar in a 5 pound bag...: "You ever have one of those dreams that really get you emotional for the entire day? Last night, I had a dream that my husband left me for an..."

Day 4: Ten pounds of sugar in a 5 pound bag...

You ever have one of those dreams that really get you emotional for the entire day? Last night, I had a dream that my husband left me for another woman. It was strange because we were on a family vacation in Ireland or something and we were walking on the rocky shoreline with the kids and he told me about this woman who was flirting with him at the hotel we were staying at. He said that he had told her he was married and that he was flattered. He told me that it made him feel good to be noticed and I said that was nice and its nice to be noticed by other women and that I liked to be noticed by other men too. It makes ya feel good about yourself and gives you the boost that we all need at times. As we were walking, with the kids too, I noticed his facial expression change and he made a very loud statement "It sure is nice being with the WIFE and KIDS!" Just as I turned to look at what he was looking at, I barely caught a glimpse of a blond woman who was built very tiny in nature. She almost looked like a little girl from behind. I shrugged it off and shrugged off my husbands silliness and weird statement. We continued on our walk; enjoying the cool misty breeze and the smell of the salty ocean air. The kids were having fun picking up rocks and looking at little creatures living in the rocks. Next thing I know we are in the hotel lobby and the kids are getting some hot cocoa and I turn to talk to Scott and he is nowhere to be found. Again, I shrugged it off to him going outside for a smoke. The kids and I headed into the main lobby where there was a nice fireplace and some activity tables for kids. We all needed to warm up. We must have waited for Scott for over an hour. I decided to walk up to the desk clerk and ask if they had seen my husband and her eyes widened and she quickly replied with a No. Just as I turned around, I saw Scott in the corner of my eye hugging what seemed to be that little girl. Then he quickly kissed her on the lips and started walking away from her. When he turned around I was staring right at him. My heart sank. I felt it all. Heart break, pain, an uncontrollable urge to vomit and kick someone's ass... I really felt it all in this dream. I was hurting so bad. Somehow in that split second, I thought it might have been a little girl he knew from somewhere...but why would he kiss her? It didnt make sense to me at all. I quickly gazed towards my kids to make sure they hadn't seen any of this and then waited for Scott to come closer.
 I dont know what came over me. I felt this rage and anger like no other. I made a tight fist with my right hand and cold cocked him right in the face. I never said a word, I just quietly walked over to my kids and told them it was time to go. We went up to the room, I packed our things and then called for a taxi. Scott never once came into the room nor did he know we were heading back home. My dream then fast forwarded to us being home and Scott being there too. The door bell rang and I opened the door to find a tiny blond woman with her back toward the door standing there. Again, my heart sank. I recognized her from Ireland and I felt sick. I never said a word to her, I just slammed the door shut on her face.
Scott asked me who it was and I responded with " It's your F%#@ing WHORE!"
"MALISA!", he yelled. "That was uncalled for and rude." We got into a short argument before he opened the door and let her in. They hugged and he kissed her cheek. I knew what was going on. I wasnt stupid, I just didnt want to believe it was happening. Thank goodness the kids were at school. The blond hoochy took a seat on my couch and Scott sat next to her and asked me to have a seat. I felt dizzy. He told me that he no longer wanted to be with me and that he wanted to start a life with this chick that was sitting on my couch....MY COUCH. I lost control. I stood up and lunged at her, grabbing her by the hair with one hand and the neck with the other. I told her to get the EFF out of my house and I told him to go with her. I tried pulling me off of her, but I'm ten pounds of sugar in a five pound bag, baby...you aint gettin me to back down. He said that he wanted her to move into our house and that I should be finding a different place to live. I told him to think again and that his ass was going to need to find somewhere for him and his dog to sleep cause they werent kicking me and my kids out of my house. I finally let go of her, or I prolly would have killed her (good thing it was a dream). I dont know what came over me, I felt so sad to be losing my husband but yet I felt almost at peace with it. I was sad that my kids werent going to have a stable house anymore, and that they werent going to be raised by both parents in one household. I thought about how much I truly loved my husband how I couldnt believe he would throw away 12 years over some blond that he said he loved. I screamed at the woman (who was probably 130 pounds) and told her that she needed to get the EFF out of my house and that she could forget about ever being a part of my kids' lives and I told scott the same thing. All I could do and think about was getting even and making his life miserable. It felt good.

Thank goodness it was all just a dream. I feel self conscious of myself. Maybe my husband wants someone else. I dont know. I know it was just a silly silly silly dream, but I can not help but think about how I felt being compared to that skinny skank in my dream. It was terrible.

On another note, I did fairly well with my food choices yesterday. I really didnt eat a whole lot. I had 2 lumpia rolls and 3 tiny appetizer ones and some pasta salad and sauce.
Kay, Im done and Im done rambling for today.

Guess I will go and finish cleaning.
Have a great Sunday folks. I didnt make it to church, I slept in and still didnt feel like I got enough sleep.

Malisa

Day 3: Building momentum...er something like that

Saturday mornings are no longer for sleeping in and cuddling. Just like Monday through Friday, I wake up to the sound of my alarm clock...BOOOOO! Last week Hayden started his dance class and ended up sitting on the bench the entire time crying. This week he strait up through a tantrum and refused to go into the room at all. Here is where most of us would be thinking: "There is a waste of money"...and normally, YES...it would be. However, I have another three year old....one who is a bit bashful but likes to have fun. So, I paid a little extra to switch from Hayden to Miriam, cause she needed a leotard, and got her into the dance class...Yay! After all of that, we were all starving and I had errands to run...so, guess what I did? I went through the drive through at JITB...but we had breakfast sandwiches only and nothing else..well, I had the meaty breakfast burrito. I figure it was one of the better choices. I said...better, not FABULOUS!...I have to build momentum ya know. Its not like quitting smoking...thank god I am past that stage....I have to psych myself up mentally to deal with changing my eating habits. It's a process people. Last night wasn't any better. Although, I ate weightwatchers dip...I had a ton of jalapeno flavored tortilla chips with it. I did only eat a small piece of cake though...I think I get a point for that...who doesnt love cake and COSTCO cake at that. I suppose I could have skipped it altogether, but I dont think I have made it to that point yet. I can't even commit to 30 minutes of workout a day and y'all want me to skip the cake right at the beginning.....pppffffttt...PUH-LEEZE...who you jokin'? Shoot. :)

Today, I plan on cleaning my computer room and getting a nice workout that way. Maybe then I will go for a walk with the kiddos. Lord know if I played a game like hopscotch with the kids it wouldnt be 1-2-3-4...it would be more like Alaska-Oregon-Idaho-Nevada....ha haha..(.well I thought it was funny.)
Tomorrow is church. I am at a place right now where I am looking forward to church on sundays again. Although, I haven't gone to church with my husband and I know he would like me to go to Mass with him, I am just not there yet. Im happy with the feeling and message I get from New Beginnings. I am going to give my weight problem to GOD tomorrow. Truly give it to him; because Cat, you are right, I think I am in control but I need to just let it go. I need to stop obsessing about it and thinking about it all the time. I'm missing out on everything else in my life by focusing on my weight and the way I look. I will only go to certain movie theaters because they have seats that the arms fold down and wont dig into my sides. I'm embarrassed for my husband to introduce me to new friends of his because I dont want people to dog him for being married to the fat lady. I gave up volunteering at the kids' schools cause I dont want the kids to tease my kids for having the fat mom. I am the one who has the issue and my family should not be punished or ridiculed because of my weight. People suck! I want to believe that inside they just are insecure about something cause it makes me feel better but truth-be-told...some people just SUCK to suck. So, now that I already had a burrito full of meat and egg and cheese, it is time for me to break a sweat and get some cleaning done.
Love you all and thank you for following me and giving me encouragement. I love you all and am truly blessed that you are all in my life one way or another.
Malisa

Day 2: How crazy am I??

So far today I have made strong food choices...I've chosen not eat any. ha ha ha! I know that I need to get myself back on a schedule and actually EAT the way I should. Breakfast, snack, Lunch, Snack, Dinner...small snack. Believe it or not...I have done that and lost pounds, serious pounds in fact. 40 is no small number and I could stand to lose more than that. But I am unsure how to map this out. Do I count calories? Carbs? Low-fat? Weigh and measure food? It seems so difficult to chose knowing that I get burnt out so easily because I have a large amount to lose. Its one thing to be carrying around one heavy body but to be carrying around one heavy body that could ultimately be two fat people is not my idea of a blast.  I was chatting with an old high school buddy of mine yesterday and she made a comment about being heavy and wanting to try something with all of her "Fatty Friends". Now, I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants. Sad thing is, I really almost peed my pants. Turns out that when you get too heavy your body cant take the weight of the the extra F-A-T squishing your internal organs and forcing your bladder to um...well...leak. :( I'm 32 people! I should not have to wear panty liners for urine purposes. This is only a small part of it. I take 13 pills a day...THIRTEEN!!!!! I have high blood pressure, swelling of the feet, I am now Diabetic, I have to take asprin to lower my risk of heart attack and the list goes on. Some people may look at me and snicker and make comments all they want. I can not blame it all on loving food. I can put some blame on self-esteem issues, depression, and the loss of the greatest man in the world...my Daddy. When he passed away, I never even got to say goodbye to him. I didnt kiss him goodbye the night before like I always did. Things were not well in my marriage and choices were made that devastated me and still haunt my mind. All I can say about that is that my Dad would have chosen to forgive and that is what I did...but no one said the hardest part was going to be forgetting about it. Forgiveness---ppstt--that is the easy part. I know I have spent the last two years punishing myself for things that were literally out of my control. I became reclusive and detached from all of those that I love the most. I turned to food for satisfaction and comfort knowing that it was not going to make me feel like a piece of dirt and it was not going to rub my face in bad decisions. It was going to be there and make me feel...........satisfied. I don't really know how to explain it. Unless you have a weight issue and I mean a significant weight issue, you truly can not understand. Eating is my reward and my punishment all in one. So how do I stop? How can I take control and stick with it?
I thought of an interesting--challenge, if you will. For all of my Fatty Friends...if it works I think I will put together a cook book with everything that we have composed. I can not tell you what it is just yet, no offense, but I want to have a hand up in this world and if this is my hand up...I'm taking it. This could be so cool. I'm excited just thinking about it.... d:9)
Until tomorrow folks...I will make an honest effort to make smart food choices today.
Malisa

Day 1

I have always had a weight problem. It's no secret. It's not like I could do a great job at hiding it anyway. I was the typical "chubby" kid in school. Laughed at, teased, mocked and made a fool of. Adults are cruel, but kids are honest...brutally honest at times. One of the first fat-kid memories that I have was having to wear my mom's jeans to school because I was too big for kids sizes and too small for adult sizes. I hated shopping for clothes from the very beginning. It never felt good. Nothing ever fit or looked good on me...that is how I felt. I always wanted to look like the popular girls in school...tall, slender, blond. I was none of those things. Short, chubby, brunette...yeah...not the Barbie was I. I can tell you that I love food, like everyone. Do I over-eat at times? Of course I do. Everyone does from time to time. It all started when I was a kid, I think. My parents were part of the Clean Plate Club. Although they made our plates, we had to finish what was on them. No wasting in our house.Money wasn't easily made and feeding a large household on a tight budget was hard. Cheese was my downfall. I loved it. My dad used to say I could eat an entire brick if they let me...im not so sure about that. It didn't help that my mom was the best cook ever. She always made her food with love. I mean that too. She still does. While I'm the type to throw something together, she takes her time and treats each ingredient like gold. She carefully cuts onions so that they are all the same size and nothing gets left behind. In fact, if I were food...i would want to be handled and cooked by my mom. She could turn a potato into a Thanksgiving day feast. Hot dogs...no one could stuff them like my mom. Nothing like creamy, buttery bites of mashed perfection with melted cheese on top...and I am not a hot dog fan. My momma could get me to eat anything. Well, just about anything. I always had to try it first. My dislikes are simple...no fish. Nothing from the water. If it swims, it stays away from my palate. If it is sugary mushed up fruit...aka Jelly or Jam...it didn't go in my mouth either. My version of PB&J was PB and butter or PB and syrup...no jelly no jam. For a kid, I was pretty easy to please; just top it with cheese. :)

As I get better at this blogging thing, I promise to include more experiences and feelings. I am not a seasoned writer nor am I a fabulous one. I hope my sharing helps me and maybe someone else along the way. Until next time...God Bless.
Malisa