Day 4: Ten pounds of sugar in a 5 pound bag...

You ever have one of those dreams that really get you emotional for the entire day? Last night, I had a dream that my husband left me for another woman. It was strange because we were on a family vacation in Ireland or something and we were walking on the rocky shoreline with the kids and he told me about this woman who was flirting with him at the hotel we were staying at. He said that he had told her he was married and that he was flattered. He told me that it made him feel good to be noticed and I said that was nice and its nice to be noticed by other women and that I liked to be noticed by other men too. It makes ya feel good about yourself and gives you the boost that we all need at times. As we were walking, with the kids too, I noticed his facial expression change and he made a very loud statement "It sure is nice being with the WIFE and KIDS!" Just as I turned to look at what he was looking at, I barely caught a glimpse of a blond woman who was built very tiny in nature. She almost looked like a little girl from behind. I shrugged it off and shrugged off my husbands silliness and weird statement. We continued on our walk; enjoying the cool misty breeze and the smell of the salty ocean air. The kids were having fun picking up rocks and looking at little creatures living in the rocks. Next thing I know we are in the hotel lobby and the kids are getting some hot cocoa and I turn to talk to Scott and he is nowhere to be found. Again, I shrugged it off to him going outside for a smoke. The kids and I headed into the main lobby where there was a nice fireplace and some activity tables for kids. We all needed to warm up. We must have waited for Scott for over an hour. I decided to walk up to the desk clerk and ask if they had seen my husband and her eyes widened and she quickly replied with a No. Just as I turned around, I saw Scott in the corner of my eye hugging what seemed to be that little girl. Then he quickly kissed her on the lips and started walking away from her. When he turned around I was staring right at him. My heart sank. I felt it all. Heart break, pain, an uncontrollable urge to vomit and kick someone's ass... I really felt it all in this dream. I was hurting so bad. Somehow in that split second, I thought it might have been a little girl he knew from somewhere...but why would he kiss her? It didnt make sense to me at all. I quickly gazed towards my kids to make sure they hadn't seen any of this and then waited for Scott to come closer.
 I dont know what came over me. I felt this rage and anger like no other. I made a tight fist with my right hand and cold cocked him right in the face. I never said a word, I just quietly walked over to my kids and told them it was time to go. We went up to the room, I packed our things and then called for a taxi. Scott never once came into the room nor did he know we were heading back home. My dream then fast forwarded to us being home and Scott being there too. The door bell rang and I opened the door to find a tiny blond woman with her back toward the door standing there. Again, my heart sank. I recognized her from Ireland and I felt sick. I never said a word to her, I just slammed the door shut on her face.
Scott asked me who it was and I responded with " It's your F%#@ing WHORE!"
"MALISA!", he yelled. "That was uncalled for and rude." We got into a short argument before he opened the door and let her in. They hugged and he kissed her cheek. I knew what was going on. I wasnt stupid, I just didnt want to believe it was happening. Thank goodness the kids were at school. The blond hoochy took a seat on my couch and Scott sat next to her and asked me to have a seat. I felt dizzy. He told me that he no longer wanted to be with me and that he wanted to start a life with this chick that was sitting on my couch....MY COUCH. I lost control. I stood up and lunged at her, grabbing her by the hair with one hand and the neck with the other. I told her to get the EFF out of my house and I told him to go with her. I tried pulling me off of her, but I'm ten pounds of sugar in a five pound bag, baby...you aint gettin me to back down. He said that he wanted her to move into our house and that I should be finding a different place to live. I told him to think again and that his ass was going to need to find somewhere for him and his dog to sleep cause they werent kicking me and my kids out of my house. I finally let go of her, or I prolly would have killed her (good thing it was a dream). I dont know what came over me, I felt so sad to be losing my husband but yet I felt almost at peace with it. I was sad that my kids werent going to have a stable house anymore, and that they werent going to be raised by both parents in one household. I thought about how much I truly loved my husband how I couldnt believe he would throw away 12 years over some blond that he said he loved. I screamed at the woman (who was probably 130 pounds) and told her that she needed to get the EFF out of my house and that she could forget about ever being a part of my kids' lives and I told scott the same thing. All I could do and think about was getting even and making his life miserable. It felt good.

Thank goodness it was all just a dream. I feel self conscious of myself. Maybe my husband wants someone else. I dont know. I know it was just a silly silly silly dream, but I can not help but think about how I felt being compared to that skinny skank in my dream. It was terrible.

On another note, I did fairly well with my food choices yesterday. I really didnt eat a whole lot. I had 2 lumpia rolls and 3 tiny appetizer ones and some pasta salad and sauce.
Kay, Im done and Im done rambling for today.

Guess I will go and finish cleaning.
Have a great Sunday folks. I didnt make it to church, I slept in and still didnt feel like I got enough sleep.

Malisa